i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Sext me about skeletons
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
