i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
