I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
