She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Randomize
