I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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