I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
