but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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