I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Randomize
