I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Randomize
