Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize