First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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