tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
