Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Randomize
