So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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