Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
