His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
I've blown a few things in my day
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Randomize
