never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
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