yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
