I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
