Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
