Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
