I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
