So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
The struggles of a small town man whore
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
