Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
