Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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