I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
God I need to hump something, right now.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
