nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
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