I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
