fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
