just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
Randomize
