p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I drew a giraffe.. But she did say that bumped that test up from a 39 to a 40. It's the little things.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Randomize
