well you can't waste a boner
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
