you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
