i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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