Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
