If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Randomize
