I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
