I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
