I CAN MOONWALK!
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize
