i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize