i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Randomize
