Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
