just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Yes, that's a picture of my balls. It isn't however an answer to my question.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
