Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Randomize
