i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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