I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
