I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
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