I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
