....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
