try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
