I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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