you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
