just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
And then the night went full on bisexual.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
