you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
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