I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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