If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
