i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
