put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize