Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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