Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize