NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
