No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Randomize
