what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
