I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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