How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
