I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Randomize
