I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
