i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
