She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Randomize
