Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
