Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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