My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Randomize
