it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
ugly people sure do ruin things
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
