Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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