Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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