nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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