all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
