Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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