fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Randomize
