it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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