hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Success! We fucked roommates!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
