You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
