i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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