Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
