is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
