Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Randomize
