just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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