I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
I woke up under a house in Key West
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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