whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
it's like iHOP with fire
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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