I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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