Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I wish there were birth control emojis
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
