i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Randomize
