I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Randomize
