its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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