and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just googled if crying burns calories
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
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