if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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