Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
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