How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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