Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Houston, we have a blender
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
