tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
