My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
Randomize
