Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
