True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
