He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
