drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
