he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
