I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
do nipples grow back?
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