we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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