Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
