Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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