dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
