I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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