Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
