Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
