Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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